The Ray of Light
by Jillcb
Summary: Set after Arthur's death, this is how Merlin learns to adapt to life after the death of his King and friend. It deals with him being in Camelot and also his time with Druids.


**The Ray of Light.**

The special place lay in the corner of the forest. It was right away from the main centre of this place of high activity. It was here that Merlin would return to time after time, whenever he needed those quiet moments. Here he could sit and lose himself and remember those special days gone by. Here he could remember the days of the Once and Future King the glory days of Camelot.

Shortly after Arthur had first died Merlin had briefly returned to Camelot. After days of intense solitude, where he had mourned the passing of his friend, he knew others would be worried about him. So he had done the decent thing, spoken to Guinevere assured her that her husband lay peacefully in a beautiful place. Assured Gaius that he was coping, even though he knew he wasn't. Said a goodbye to Leon and Percival, and made them promise to serve Guinevere well.

Then he finally left, having no clear idea where he wanted to go too. In his bag he enough to eat for a few days, and a crown he had asked Guinevere for. She had looked at him strangely when he'd asked for it. But knowing that Arthur was not coming back she agreed to giving the warlock the crown.

This crown held special memories for Merlin. It was not Arthur's most important one, in fact it was pretty far down the list of the many crowns that the King had worn. But to Merlin this was the crown where Arthur finally became the man Merlin had always known he would become. As he took a break from his walking he took it out of his bag. He touched the beautiful crown with soft fingers outlining the shape of it carefully, remembering Arthur in it, as he did so.

Sighing he slowly put it back in his bag and had a look around at where he was. After a few moment he recognised the part of the forest, it was on the way to the Druids. He decided he may as well drop in and pay them a call, suddenly wanting a bit of company.

As he walked towards the camp the nature called out to him, suddenly he could feel himself calling back through his magic. The feeling surprised him, he'd been feeling so devoid of any real emotion recently. Like he was running on empty. But now he felt different somehow like a mist had suddenly lifted from in front of his eyes. It made his step lighter somehow, and he made haste to the camp.

As he approached it the commanding figure of Trefeyn greeted him. As the son of Iseldir he had taken over from his father after Isedir had passed away. Merlin got on well with the young Druid. He had the wise face of his father, and Merlin recognized the inner strength of it too. This was a young man who knew the importance of things. He was a man after his own mind.

"Emrys welcome." Trefeyn said his hand warm and firm in greeting.

"Thank you Trefeyn, I was passing I hope you don't mind." he replied almost embarrassed, to be there.

"Please Emrys you are always welcome here." Trefeyn said meeting his eye. "I am so sorry about Arthur. Let me pass on our sympathy to you."

"Thank you. To be honest I am at a loss at the moment."

"Of course it is always difficult to conquer the feeling of loss. I know from losing my father, just how difficult it can be." Trefeyn admitted.

"How did you come to terms with it?" Merlin asked.

"First let me share some refreshments with you, we will talk." Trefeyn led Merlin to a tent.

As they walked across the camp Merlin could feel the Druid's watching him. It would embarrass Merlin to feel people bowing to him, in normal circumstances. But in this camp he could just feel the love and respect emotions that were natural, and somehow calming to him. He smiled at the Druids whom acknowledged him in these quiet moments.

Merlin sat down cross legged, presently the tent opened and refreshments arrived. He nodded his thanks at the woman who brought a couple of dishes off fruit and some fresh water. As Merlin began to eat the cherries and apples he began to relax.

"I too was sorry to hear of the passing of your father. He was a fine man." Merlin acknowledged sadly.

"Thank you." Trefeyn replied. "Even though it was expected he'd been ill for sometime; you are never ready when it happens."

"No indeed." Merlin replied thinking of his own losses, Freya, Will his own father and Arthur all torn away from him when he least expected it. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to block away the negative thoughts.

"It is natural to mourn their passing Emrys. No one, not even you can exist without doing that. Indeed it is only by doing that, that we can continue to live our lives. I sense that you have a barrier there, you must learn to let it down, only then will the path become clear to you."

"But it is so hard to do Trefeyn, so hard. Even now I still expect to see Arthur there, bawling at me. Then I open my eyes and all I see is and feel is silence."

"That is just the start of the process Emrys. Grieving comes in many forms; we have to pass through the whole process before we can find our peace. The middle bit is always the most important bit, and the hardest to do."

"The middle bit?" Merlin repeated suddenly lost.

"Acceptance of what has gone before." Trefeyn replied gently.

"You think I haven't accepted it?" Merlin asked knowing deep in his heart that Trefeyn was probably right.

"I only know because I too went through the same." the Druid replied softly.

Merlin nodded and there was pause with both lost in their own thoughts and regrets.

"I use to like being alone sometimes, but now I fear it somehow." Merlin said looking at Trefeyn wanting someone to understand.

"Emrys the path ahead for you will be difficult immortality always is, but you must know you will never be truly alone. You are a man of the earth, it calls out to you speaks to you in a way it cannot do to anyone else. You must put your faith in that, only then can you embrace what you are to become. The prophecies speak that Arthur _will _rise again one day, but in the meantime you must embrace your life and learn to make the most of it. You will always have your ray of light to help you."

"What do you mean my ray of light?" Merlin asked puzzled.

"When it happens you will know." Trefeyn assured him.

Merlin smiled after a few moments, he still wasn't sure how he'd manage but he knew the talk had at least helped him clear his mind, from the endless doubt and confusion that had so far dominated it.

"Will you stay the night?" Trefeyn had asked.

"Thank you but no, I feel I must start and walk my new path now." Merlin smiled holding his hand out.

The handshake was warmly delivered, and as Merlin left the tent he suddenly sensed a new feeling of if not optimism at least a new purpose about his life. If this was what he'd have to do, then so be it.

As he walked through the forest he decided to give his place a visit briefly before beginning in his new life. As he walked he could hear the birds and the buzzing of the insects as he walked passed them. He could feel his magic suddenly beginning to connect with what was going on around him. It made him smile, at last he felt at one with himself.

As he arrived he got out the crown and put it softly down on the stones, once more fingering it, and whispering a binding spell around the stones where the crown could never be removed by anyone else. He whispered a blessing to his friend to the Once and Future King, the man whom helped make his life complete.

As he felt the tears begin to prick his eyes, he was suddenly aware of light and magic channeling itself around him protectively. He looked around and smiled as he saw the beautiful unicorn a few steps behind him. His eyes contacting his, his ray of light just as Trefeyn had said, only a few hours before.

As Merlin continued to walk around the world and build his new life his ray of light was never far away from him. It was his guardian in arms, his faithful ally who like him, awaited the return of the Once and Future King.


End file.
